Feeling semi-normal tonight. I’m 6 days out from my 2nd Chemo treatment and hoping to be close to in the clear for the next few weeks. The fatigue definitely hit a lot harder this time. Or maybe I just forgot how bad it was 3 weeks ago…
Everything started out the same except just more fatigue. The ‘haze’ was worst on Sunday (3 days after) I felt like I was spinning and trying to focus on anything just made me dizzy. I went to church because I love church. Knowing you are in God’s house, praising him, comfort and feeling wrapped up in his love. But I’m not gonna lie, I was worn out.
A lady in church wrote a quick note on the back of a pew-card that said ‘cancer is the little ‘c’ and Jesus Christ is the big ‘C’. Praise the Lord’. I’ve set that on my table as a reminder. My kids looked at it a few days ago and I asked them if they agreed since it was true.
My kids seem to be doing ok. Not sure if they are holding things in or what. I think they are more worried about my hair loss. However apparently when they made cards for me 3 weeks ago with small candy gifts, my mom said they had to re-do their cards because the 1st ones were too dire and revolved around death. I keep trying to remind them that I am not dying. They say they understand. They pray for me each night in their nightly prayers which is so sweet and lovely to my ears.
Back to the current. Monday and Tuesday were long days. Those are just my long work days in general. Luckily I have all the support in the world. The fatigue was definitely worse overall this go around. All Day Monday, the 2nd half of Tuesday, and Wednesday for at least half the day. I prepared myself for weight loss by overeating, but I guess its still not enough, because I’ve still lost weight. But at least I know I’m trying to put on the calories this week. It should stabilize by the end of the week. I haven’t been as active these last 5 days. Partly to try to rest more, partly due to the cold, partly due to the smoke. Wildfires in the area have had the environment a mess this week.
My hair is getting so thin on top. I keep considering shaving it off… a lot of people probably would have, but there’s still some length so I’m taking advantage. I can still style it. But it looks scary thin on top. I’m wearing headcovers from here on out. I have quite a few hats, scarves, buffs for this.
The biggest thing that I have realized is that I am blessed. I didn’t realize how surrounded I was with love and support. The hugs, the prayers, the support. Enough that it brings tears to my eyes. My athletes pick at me to see my hiding hair. One says ‘how about we put a weave in there’…lol. My co-workers think of random things I might like or just words. Random surprises in the mail. My sisters and best of friends getting sneak peaks of the bald spots on my head. And then the opposing team your school is playing supports you in wearing pink socks! Seriously Sue is amazing and such a great role model.
More than anything, I have faith in Jesus I will get through this. It isn’t always going to be easy. Somehow I’m still going to figure out how to puddle through a few half marathons and long runs. Each day is new. It will be over one day. I appreciate the good so much more. A journey God is carrying me through. Sometimes that’s good for an independent girl like me 🙂
The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4